To judge or not to judge…why is it even an option?
I am not sure why we are a society that loves to judge others. Is it because those that judge are not happy with their lives? Perhaps, those that judge are jealous or envious? Perhaps, putting down others builds oneself up? I don’t know? Maybe, as a society, we have done it for so long that we don’t even know we are judging; it has just become a daily routine like brushing our teeth or putting on lipgloss?
I was a passenger in the car when the driver made “fat” comments about a girl walking on the sidewalk. When I brought what he had said to his attention, his response was, “She couldn’t hear me.” True, but his two little girls in the back seat did! Kids are like sponges…this father just taught his children that it’s okay to judge, whether he believes it or not. It starts somewhere…and it can stop…but first we must become AWARE that our words are like daggers piercing the hearts of those that are being judged. If we knew this to be true, would we still want to intentionally hurt others?
So, here’s the QUESTION: IF you were AWARE that your words were daggers piercing the hearts of those being judged, would you still say…
“Don’t be in the spotlight, if you don’t want to be judged.”
“You need to grow tougher skin.”
“Judging comes with the territory, get used to it.”
Or…would you stop judging, knowing what you give you will eventually get back?
In all honesty, if you could hear your self judging others, you would stop, because not only is it very unattractive, but it comes from a place of insecurity.
This subject is dear to my heart and it resurfaced recently after I got hired as the new HSN (Home Shopping Network) host. You can imagine, I was over the moon excited! I have worked twenty some years in the entertainment business, been through the ups and downs and everything in between when finally, out of the blue, it seemed, I was living out a dream.
After I went on-air live for the first time, after I accomplished getting through those first night jitters and excitement, I was told…just don’t read the posts.
I was as naive as they came, “What posts?”
My excitement from my first show took a nose dive!
After all these years of struggle…and rejection…now, I have to deal with being judged by people that don’t even know me?
This brought up a huge pet peeve of mine; If society, which means the majority of us, continues to buy those tabloid magazines and watch those news programs, we are contributing to those companies making millions of dollars by exploiting others unfairly. For years, I have not bought one of those magazines nor watched one of those programs, because I am not going to buy into it.
A sense of sadness came over me, the tables have now turned, people will be quick to judge me, will I allow myself to buy into it?
Even though I was told not to look at the posts, my curiosity got the best of me and I took a peek.
There were just a couple people chatting about the “new host,” saying things that didn’t seem all that bad until I read…I can’t judge her yet until she goes out there on her own.
I was like yikes! I won’t read these again! I will ignore them…but then it hit me..if I ignore them…will judging ever stop?
In perfect timing, I was reading Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly.” Some of you may know her from Oprah or Ted TV. In the opening of her book, she shares a quote from Theodore Roosevelt that influenced her to put pen to paper and write, “Daring Greatly.” This quote came from Roosevelt’s speech that was known as “The Man in the Arena,” dating back to April 23, 1910. Not only does this quote sum up judgement to me, but, it makes me question, how many more years will it take?
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
So, I invite anyone that is quick to judge, to step into the arena they are judging.
There is nothing more exciting and humbling and scary, may I add, than to step into your own arena…whether your arena is hosting live TV, acting on stage, film, or TV, being a parent for the first time, changing professions, falling in love again…you name it.
And there is nothing more vulnerable than stripping oneself of all false armor and allowing the world, or your lover or best friend, or new friend to see you, not what you want them to see or hope they see, but who you are in your totality…your imperfections, insecurities, questioning, fears and doubts…and boldly and greatly stepping naked into your arena..not to be judged by others, but to be loved by the freedom that comes with living out the calling placed on your heart.
I am not perfect. I will fall and when I do I will fall greatly! But, I will also get back up gracefully.
It’s hard to fall or get back up if you are judging from your living room chair. I know this to be true, because I used to be that girl in the chair; it’s safe there and safe…is boring.
I’d much rather be in my arena, it’s exciting, scary, and fun, and it’s inevitable I will be judged by someone from their living room chair, but I’m wise enough to know it’s a weakness that makes one feel superior because they feel less, and I know words are only daggers to the heart if you allow them to pierce you.
You see…it’s really simple…when I stopped judging others’ lives, I began loving mine.
Until next time go to QUESTIONS AND ACTORS LIKE it and USE it!
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Karen Pavlick is the new host for HSN, (Home Shopping Network.) She started off in the entertainment business as an NFL CHEERLEADER for the Raiders. This led her to an acting career, working with Robin Williams and directed by her favorite, Tom Shadyac, in PATCH ADAMS, to over 60 National TV Commercials to THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL, to opening her own production company, Hollywood Ending Films, where both of Karen’s two short films garnered BEST FILM and she was honored with “Distinguished Filmmaker.” Karen has a passion for travel, unique spas, wines, the outdoors and being surrounded by her family and friends. The next exciting adventure that awaits Karen in 2014 is the completion of her first self-help discovery book in which she hopes to help heal women’s hearts.